How to handle being single and feeling behind in life at 30 (REALITY vs. EXPECTATIONS)I avoid cliches like posing with sedated tigers, and I send messages tailored to shared interests. I get some responses but these fizzle, presumably in favor of better options. My sympathies on the end of your long relationship. Whether you ended the relationship, or your partner ended it, or you both simultaneously decided to end things in the most amicable way possible, that is a huge change in your life! So before you start making self-judgments about where you stand in the league of dating, consider that you might need to take a bit more time to get used to the huge change before you can approach the possibility of meeting someone new with an optimistic outlook. If the last time you were single was more than a decade ago, then it sounds like you might want to take some more time to yourself.
A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? As far as your references to "milfy" or "cougarish", ummmmmmm, I'm I'm not a mom or even vaguely matronly. I'm not elderly. You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world.
We like the same bands, watch the same TV shows and movies, and are nostalgic about the same Saturday morning cartoons. The age difference is perfectly acceptable, and i know plenty of successful couples with that type of age gap. You, on the other hand, sound immature and judgmental about both gender relations and age, and so it probably won't work out, unless your prospective girlfriend is willing to be considered milfy or a cougar, but she probably won't.
A five year age difference is of no consequence if the two people involved are at the same stage of maturity. This does not seem to be the case here. She needs to be dating someone more in her maturity bracket. You need to mature some more.
"You can go without sex. That's much less of a problem than going through life alone, and without affection.". I might start dating a girl who is ~23, and I'm This is the largest age gap I've ever experienced. What should I know? I'm looking for advice from guys in the. There's a lot of talk out there about how hard it is to date in your thirties. effort to sort through some of my own feelings about being 31 and single, Getting back in the game can feel particularly unnerving after the age of
I would never ever date a woman and not be proud of her, and hide her from my friends, it wouldnt be fair. I haven't even asked her out yet but it seems like she wants me to. If I was in a relationship with her then I'd most certainly be happy with what she was posted by curious-mind at PM on June 3, [ 1 favorite ].
Um, yes, it's fine. My 31 year old girlfriend says no, it is not ok. Like most things, it's okay with some people and not okay with others. If you want to date this woman, pursue that goal. The reason I asked this question about me being "okay" with dating an older woman, was reading a okcupid research article saying how most men compete for younger women, and there were guys in the comment section saying things like "Yeah if you can't get a younger woman its because you got priced out and you suck" I tried to not let it bother me but it did.
That as a statistic men chase younger women, and dating an older woman is looked upon as failing to be able to compete with other men. So far so good. He's not concerned about the difference at all. If you two really gel as a couple then people won't see a 5 year difference in your ages.
Yeah, I think you're probably too immature for this relationship, dude. Okay wait, you are making life decisions based on the internets comments section of a dating site article? Oh honey. Cut this shit out.
Anyway, in my early-mid 30s I dated a guy very seriously for several years who was about four years younger. The reasons it didn't work out had nothing to do with our age gap. Here's where it could potentially become an issue - if she wants to have children, she is facing a much steeper timeline than you are right now in life. Where two twentysomethings can wait and see where things go, maybe get married, maybe think about kids when it feels right - a couple in their 30's do have to face the reality that female fertility starts declining after So if you don't think you want kids in the next 10 years, and she does -- the relationship can't work in the long run.
It sounds from your question and followups that you're focusing on a lot of superficial externals about how it might affect you rather than the heart of the matter - what is she looking for in you? Gwyneth Paltrow is five years older than Chris Martin. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I know if I were in her year-old shoes I would want to know if I was seeing someone who used the word "cougar" seriously in any non-feline context, let alone applied to how others might view our relationship, has no problem with a double standard, i.
If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you. Re your question: A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guyI'm not so sure.
Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question. Who do you want to date? Her or other men?
It's a fine age gap for anyone. Best of luck -- you're gonna need it. I tried to not let it bother me but it did. OK, I'm here to tell you: lots of things get "looked upon as failings.
You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"? There you go. You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic.
You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed.
Dating at 29 and 31
It is weird in the sense that it's not typical and it is something some people might look down on you for. Does that make it bad or a bad idea? I don't think so, but that's your decision to make. What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship.
It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman. Why do you care what's "normal"? Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date? While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK.
Then of course there's the unnecessary stereotype that her being over 30 for five minutes means she is now turning at least some of her attention to baby-planning.
They haven't even gone on a date.
You know those girls who refuse to date anyone younger than they are, much less anyone their own age? They have a specific, thought-out. Dating has always been an odd experience. There are rules, but nobody knows them. There are special codes, but nobody has a cipher. Ever heard of the rule that men should date women who are half their age plus seven? Some celebrities - think Leonardo Di Caprio - take this.
I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet. I'm 26 years old and I've dated a number of women in their late 30s in the last few years. It's never been any kind of issue. On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different. For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me.
But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive.
We've all heard the sobering statistics: given a choice, straight men of all ages would rather date women in their twenties. Women, on the other. Iím a man in my early thirties, so at a pretty awkward age for dating. Iíve recently come out of a relationship thatís lasted since my late teens, which means I have no idea if Iím dateable in the slightest. Itís left me with no idea if Iím remotely attractive, made me worry I. A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? Hey guys just . She was 29 when they started dating, I suppose. He was 24ish.
Someone 5 years older than you is not old enough to be your mother, so "MILF" seems quite a bit off. My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference.
I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
Since you are asking, and given the words you chose, she is too old for you. Older women tend to respect themselves more and have higher standards. In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers.
I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest.
Early thirties and newly single: it's the worst time to be dating, right?
Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty. Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman. Hollywood or something?
You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. When I was 34 I was dating a 27 year old. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped. Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident. I am eight years older than my husband, and our respective ages have never been an issue between us.
Except when he makes fun of 80s music. People have already given your grief for describing yourself as a 26 year old boy and caring about the opinion of an anonymous bunch of dudes on OKCupid, so I'll spare you on that front. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them?
Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care. I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years.
I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor. I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet. I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was. When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc.
Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us. I'm 29 and my girlfriend is It's great! That is worth getting excited about, and if you give yourself some more time, I think you will be.
Love, Eva. Topics Online dating Swipe right - online dating for the real world. Reuse this content. Order by newest oldest recommendations. To engage with an older guy is to peek inside a different point-of-view on life. Because those cologne-wearing, Dolce-upgraded, French-press-drinking, something hunks are a whole different animal.Dating in your 30s as a single woman
Show him something new. Which leads me toÖ. Challenge him, but know when to stop. Start becoming a do-er. You said you wanted to be more active, remember? Just never refer to his age in a bad light because that is his Achilles Heel; it's what his mother nags him about.
That means no joking about him being an old man or way, way worseÖ an old fart.