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Lawyer and Doctor at a Party . Jokes Wiki . FANDOM powered by Wikia

Advice On Dating A Doctor - Responding to Your Comments! - Doctor Mike

Some are indecent. A few are obscene. But we're talking about lawyers Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? A: The caterer.

The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex? Where do you think lawyers come from?

More jokes about: doctorhusbandlawyersex. A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds. A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city.

Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals.

After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep.

There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door.

The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.

More jokes about: carcoplawyerpartytime.

The Ultimate List of Lawyer Jokes

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I bluffed you! A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. Me first! Me next! One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, Ker-plop! By the way, what kind of animal are you? Maybe you could examine me and find out. Many years ago, a junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.

The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over the envelopes. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner.

He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.

The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old? A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence.

The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly station. After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St.

Pete decides to show them to their new lodgings. This, Pete announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, at least until the end of time. They take flight once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with Brownstone houses. You put that lawyer-feller in a beautiful estate home and I, spiritual leader of terra-firma, end up with this dive? Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him.

Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

What do you want to have him arrested for? A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.

The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict.

Doctor and lawyer dating joke

The defendant who pleads their own case may have a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting. These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn.

Looking forward to a exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all.

The toughest part of dating a doctor would be how they're always 45 mins late for dates because the 7 dates they had before yours went long. doctor + lawyer Jokes for Toastmasters Lawyer Quotes, Lawyer Humor, .. Boy went on his First Date but then she said something First Date Meme, First. During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures. A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. However, sometimes it is very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings. A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him.

The friend, eager to get a freebee off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country — rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears — a male and a female.

Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. He just had to save his friend.

It had to happen sooner or later. Lawyer Dobbins was wheeled into the emergency room on a stretcher, rolling his head in agony. Doctor Green came over to see him. The last time I saw you was in court when you accused me of malpractice. Could I be passing a kidney stone? Who is going to pay for my court costs? This is the only place that I can practice. You had so much acid in you when you addressed the jury I knew some of it eventually had to crystallize into stones. Can I now have my ounce of Demerol?

Do you mind getting up on the scale? I have to be prepared in case I get sued and the lawyer asks me if I knew how tall you were. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Saying that, he throws the pack of Havanas through the window. At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it…. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.

Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.

The use of currency as bait is prohibited. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

A young lady goes to see a lawyer regarding a minor matter. Now he was facing the age-old ethical dilemma, should he keep it himself or split it with his partner? A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.

Climb in the truck. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road, and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. I almost hit that lawyer.

Lawyers Answer Commonly Googled Questions About Lawyers

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married twelve times. This puzzled the groom, since after twelve marriages he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon. My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.

My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it. My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager.

Joke # A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the. A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor. A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.

My twelfth husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was philatelic… God I miss him! Diogenes dusted off his lamp and set out once again, this time looking for an honest lawyer. After a few months of this, a friend asked him how he was doing. He was going to move to Anchorage!

A minister died and to his chagrin found himself at the gates of Hell. On the way, they passed a palatial suite, where the minister saw a crooked lawyer he had known, and the crooked lawyer was making love to a beautiful woman. The minister was troubled, but walked on with the devil. The devil ushered him into a tiny, cramped rocky cell. It was too much for the minister.

A surgeon, an architect and a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession. An old man was on his deathbed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. The lawyer was aghast. Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear.

The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. The witness still did not respond.

Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. Saddam Hussein, a lawyer and a doctor were discussing whether or not they would donate, after death, their brains to science, and what sort of price they would ask for their estates, in return.

Saddam insisted on at least a million dollars for his brain, because it had never been used. A salesman stopped for gas at a very old general store.

24 Things Everyone Who Dates A Doctor Will Understand

While he was paying for the gas and an orange soda, he spied a dusty brass pig high on a shelf. The salesman pressed the issue, and finally the old man gave in and climbed a ladder to retrieve the brass pig. After dusting it off, the salesman took a liking to the object. He took a long time in convincing the old man that, no matter what, he wanted the pig.

About two miles outside of town, he looked in his rear view mirror and noticed a pig trotting down the road behind him. He thought that this was a bit amusing, until another and still another pig joined the first. As he drove, more and more pigs joined in and followed him.

Lawyer Jokes. What do What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are .. At the funeral of a lady was her doctor, a friend and her lawyer. Two lawyers made a date to have lunch together. At the funeral of a lady was her doctor, a friend and her lawyer. . of California at Santa Barbara for analysis, but to date, no explanation has been found for this. A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was Click (R) to generate a random joke from that category. jokes Dating (4) (R ).

The faster he went, the faster they ran. The salesman sped on at nearly a hundred miles an hour and got a bit of a lead on the throng of pigs that were in hot pursuit. He began to realize that this was what the old man was trying to warn him about. He came to a bridge over a river deep in a gorge, stopped, rolled down his window, threw the brass pig over the side, and sped off. He was astonished as he saw the pigs in his rear view mirror.

They got to the bridge, and stormed over the side, down to their deaths on the rocks far below. The salesman drove back to the bridge and peered over the edge at the pile of pulverized porcine pursuers that plummeted over the precipice. He got back in his car and headed back to the stop where he bought the pig only minutes earlier. Want your money back? The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?

One day, a man is walking along the beach and comes across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubs it and, much to his surprise, a genie actually appears.

The man is ecstatic. No problem! A Ferrari appears in front of the man. One million dollars appears at his feet. An attorney passed on and found himself in heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment.

The attorney immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The attorney protested that a three year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the attorney was willing to change venue to Hell.

A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. How long have I got? The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind.

A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton.

The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. If you can feasibly fit in a weekend trip and there's no chance they have to be on call, you're going!

Grey's for the unrealistic situations and hot doctors, Scrubs for the feels, and House for the puzzles. And your S. Which isn't entirely true. Share On facebook Share On facebook Share. Share On vk Share On vk Share. Share On lineapp Share On lineapp. Share On twitter Share On twitter Share. Share On email Share On email Email. Share On sms Share On sms. Share On whatsapp Share On whatsapp. Share On more Share On more More.

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