HOW TO IDENTIFY A SOCIOPATHThe Shining. I really do mean everything, their stories are grandiose fabrications, their lives are a huge production and they are the center of it all. Everything about them, their stories, their ego, are big and intense. They believe that their sense of self is entitled to this, and will not be convinced of anything else. This was something that I was not prepared for, the sheer number of people that could be taken ahold by someone like this. As far as I could tell, it was more about quantity than quality. Be prepared for sexual fantasies that might scar you upon hearing about them.
Your identity, your personality takes a severe beating and lots of people end up not liking themselves very much. The manipulator also puts in place a system of rewards and punishments in order to change your behavior, your thinking and your decision making.
This can be anything from a shouting match to withdrawal from you to physical violence. When you do as the manipulator wishes, there may be a reward or simply the absence of punishment. In this way the manipulator teaches you how they want you to be around them. In this way, your behavior changes, your actions change and your thinking and decision making changes according to the wishes of the sociopath.
The constant reinforcement from the sociopath begins to freeze these changes in place so that your friends and family begin to tell you that you have changed, and not for the better, since you started with this so called friend. This new personality is called a pseudopersonalityor false personality because it is imposed upon you by the manipulator and it dominates but never completely destroys your real personality. If you have ever felt that you are at war with yourself because of having to deal with a sociopathic friend, then this description of the pseudopersonality helps to explain that.
Your real personality wants to get away from the abuse but the pseudopersonality is programmed to be dependent on the manipulator and you have to stay because you can't imagine not being with the sociopath.
The real personality does not trust the sociopath but the pseudopersonality is programmed to believe everything they way and not to question or criticize them and this causes internal conflicts. The real personality wants to do it's own thing sometimes but the pseudopersonality is programmed to put the sociopath's wants and needs first.
This is why many people who have to deal with a sociopathic friend have difficulty saying 'no'. You will also find yourself revealing a huge amount about yourself to the sociopath while they may tell you very little about what they do or where they go when you are not around. The sociopath won't necessarily be thinking in terms of pseudopersonalities or mind control but the actions and effects of sociopaths have so much in common that these ideas or descriptions of what happens are a very useful way to explain what goes on in a relationship with a sociopath.
Many of these programmed patterns work in all areas of your life and not just in relation to the sociopath. The reason is that the pseudopersonality and the programmed responses are put in place with very, very strong influence techniques and they literally take over your life and every aspect of it.
You may find that you have drifted away from your other friends and even your family to spend more and more time with the sociopath, or just waiting for the sociopath to get back in contact with you. To a large extent the sociopath dominates your life and may even have become the purpose of your life.
Even when you are not together, the sociopath is in your head a lot of the time! This pseudopersonality means that you are literally programmed to tolerate the abuse of the sociopath and much of the bad behavior becomes 'normal' for you because there is so much of it. You actually get used to the abuse and your criteria change so that you no longer consider it abuse but rather it simply becomes the way life is.
Even when others tell you that things are not right you may even defend the sociopath. This is also part of the programming of the pseudopersonality. So bearing in mind that the sociopath is abusing you, doesn't care about you, is incapable of love, is never going to change and has destroyed your personality so that you take care of them even if you can't see all these things yetyou really have to make a choice.
And the choice is whether you stay in the relationship or end it. This is not an easy thing to do when someone has been manipulated by a sociopath but it's very important to do it.
Some people cannot make the choice and end up losing years more of their life to the sociopath. Some people choose to stay, despite knowing all the above, and the fact is that they continue to suffer.
It doesn't matter how much you know or how much you try to protect yourself, being in a relationship with a sociopath means that you will be abused and taken advantage of. A person who continues to deal with a sociopathic friend loses. Despite any benefits you think you may be getting from the relationship, the price you pay for that is very high, too high.
I know that this is black and white thinking but sometimes in life things are actually black and white and this is a situation where it pays to be judgmental.
Oct 26, - Sociopaths have no intentions of being just friends with you! Maybe you are waiting for an inheritance, or something else of value, but this will not come until a later date? . They will only leave for good once they know they cannot get back with I think he wanted to destroy me and my reputation at work.
There are lots of ideas out there about 'managing' the sociopath or narcissist and all they do is set you up for more abuse and heartache. To decide that you no longer want to deal with a sociopathic friend, that you want out, is a difficult thing to do.
Sometimes people need to learn more about the characteristics of sociopaths and how they use mind control to manipulate before they can even make that decision. Others may be at the point where they can tolerate no more and leaving is easier for them. Others may actually be in danger and they need to run away and just pick up the pieces later. Once you decide to leave, a complete break is by far and away the best thing to do.
This means no contact, no meetings, no calls, no emails, no messages, nothing! Not even messages through friends. The reason is that as long as you have contact with the sociopath it means that they have the opportunity to reinforce your pseudopersonality and this makes it very difficult to get away altogether.
They have spent years manipulating you to be the way they want you to be and they often they won't give up easily. They may try all sorts of things to get you back. Most of what they say is lies and it's all designed to tug on your heart strings and make you feel bad for abandoning them. But keep in mind that you are not actually abandoning them, you are escaping them to protect yourself, to stop the abuse and to get your life back.
Working with someone who is an expert in this field is important if you want to get rid of that pseudopersonality that was imposed on you.
Remember that it was put in place with very strong influence techniques which means that it does not disappear on it's own just because you are away from the sociopath.
It actually persists and causes problems of all sorts, trust issues, memory and concentration problems, emotional problems, sleep disturbances, difficulty making decisions and so on.
Some of these may improve a bit over time but unless you work to get rid of the pseudopersonality it doesn't simply undo itself.
In fact, it is programmed to protect itself and stop you from finding out what the sociopath was really like. I mentioned earlier that the context of the sociopathic friend was important. If you met the sociopath when you were 25, for example, then you will have had 25 years where your real personality was allowed to develop and grow.
Leaving the relationship means that you can look back on those 25 years to see how you really were before the sociopath began to change your personality. If, however, you have known the sociopath since you were very young, they will have been molding your personality since then and your real personality won't have been given the chance to develop.
This means that re-establishing your identity is more complex and requires more effort on your part. Again, an expert in this area is invaluable in leading you through this process. Read about healing from emotional abuse. This will feel strange to you because you are so used to looking after others but you really need to ask yourself what is best for you.
And right now, it's best to make this decisions logically and not emotionally. The sociopath has trained you to make decisions emotionally, if it feels bad, don't do it and if it feels good, do it.
This typically works to the sociopath's advantage. Breaking up with the sociopath will feel bad, often very bad. But you have to override those bad feelings and think about what is best for you.
Ask other friends and family members what they think is best for you. When they say that splitting up with this friend is what you need to do, pay close attention. They do actually have your best interests at heart. Because your own decision making may be so distorted as we have seen above, it's important that you give weight to the decisions of those who have not been affected by the sociopath. One more significant! If you have a pseudopersonality it is as obvious to a sociopath as if you had it tattooed on your forehead.
This makes you a very easy target for any sociopath, psychopath or narcissist you meet in the future. You need to undo the damage done to you in order to avoid being captured again in the future.
And whether to choose to work with an expert or not, you really need to educate yourself about sociopathstheir traits and how they use mind control techniques to dominate and manipulate others They do not make long term goals like everybody else. They are so busy lying cheating, manipulating and scamming. It is as if they do not have the time to make goals in life. Most people realise that to have anything in life they need to work hard for it.
Mar 17, - But what about when our own best friend falls in love with. If your BFF has started dating a psychopath then one of the first things you will If your friend's boyfriend only calls her when he needs something then maybe they. Feb 28, - The Shining. 1. They Are Intense About Everything. I really do mean everything, their stories are grandiose fabrications, their lives are a huge. (It is after all a sociopath's opinion.) Secondly, it gives a good insight into how sociopaths think about others. If they can make friends and get people to do things.
A sociopath works hard, for himself as he works hard at scamming and cheating others. But he cannot see why he would need to work hard to get things like holidays, or anything else. Although he will promise you that this is exactly what he plans to do.
Jul 25, - Dating a sociopath may be more common that we think. “They may get drunk and do something awful like tell off your mother or your best friend,” Sabla said. “This will come out of his or her psychological issues, but will. Friend is dating a sociopath - Want to meet eligible single man who share your zest for life? Indeed My interests include staying up late and taking naps. How to your best friend found out support groups and heard of the friends and i'd met. Mar 7, - You come up with a list of traits from the DSM about sociopaths, and you question You might witness him/her being one person with a certain person, and If it seems too good to be true, and things are not ringing true, that is your You wish that he/she had his own family and friends to spend time with.
He will make plenty of promises, which will rarely come true. A sociopath is so consumed by the drama of today, what is happening in the next few months do not seem of importance. They will lie today, and not think about how this will affect them in the future. Most sociopaths are also very immature. Because they cannot learn from mistakes and keep repeating the same mistakes over, they are unable to grow up, and act in a more mature manner that has respect for another human being, for their rights, their welfare or thinking about their needs.
Like a teenager they are demanding masked with charmand very selfish. They only think of their own needs what is in it for me? A sociopath is unable to put the needs of others before their own needs. A sociopath thinks that the entire world revolves around them.
It can feel quite uncomfortable, as he focuses his gaze onto you. His body language, gives you little space to breath. Sometimes the sociopath looks at you like you are his next lunch and he is very hungry!
When a sociopath has had a sociopathic meltdown remember most of the time he has his mask onyou will see signs of insanity. The sociopath is deceptive and manipulative, and will cheat, lie and con.
But you will not be aware of this. When the sociopath is caught in his actions, he will show a total lack of remorse, guilt or shame. You might be shocked. This is a side that you have not seen before. He will show no remorse, guilt or shame for his actions. A sociopath will never admit to his wrong doings, instead he will either blame someone else, or ignore you, and your pain and move onto a new source for supply. After not paying any of his bills for November and December without him realizing it, I was able to save enough money to get my own place and have an emergency savings account to take care of me!
I got a job and that was my cue to move forward. No one would take his calls. Sure it drove him crazy. Serves him right! Divorce papers will be sent via mail. Not sure if he is still here. Wont go near that side of town. I am in hiding.
He has no idea where I live, where I work, how to contact me. It can be done. You are worth every effort to rid yourself of the parasite in your life! Realize that you deserve better and fight for yourself! Seek them out! There is support out there. The strength is within you and grows as you go!! Even if you have to leave in secret, leave everything familiar behind, move to another town and live in a shelter, it will be worth it.
You will rebuild your life and you will learn what not to fall for in the future. You have to put yourself first above all else. And I believe its important to not allow yourself to become totally untrusting of everyone you meet and bitter. But it is important to listen, stand back, and observe the people you meet with a discerning eye. Be careful to protect yourself by not giving too much too soon. I also had to take a hard look at myself and admit some difficult things about myself that contributed to me being in this type of relationship.
I have had low self esteem my entire life. I am fine the way I am. Take their power away by taking back your life! You can do it!!! That was a great comment, wonderfully inspiring. Congratulations for passing a monumental life test! Thank you Aesa!
I feel really good about myself now and have released the guilt of all the things I had to do to get free. I did what I had to do to save me. Hope I never have to go through anything like this again. I spent the day research more stories and began to see a very disgusting pattern. I could see just how lost people become and how overpowering these types can be, it all began to look exhausting and insane as I tried to pretend for a moment I did not have the same encounters, but just reading out of curiosity.
Suddenly, the details and the stories began to seen exhausting and literally makes the victims seem as though they have become partially mentally ill. Wow, it made me say to myself, this is not how I Want to appear ever again, then I had to take myself beck into understanding how subtle the process is. It literally sneaks up on you, these personality types are very dangerous! There is good reason why they say RUN! Even the best and brightest can sink from this evil, sadistic and toxic personality disorder.
Communicating with others in advance and letting people know of a plan and warning of attempts to communicate with the monster seems much better than trying to warn people while your still idle or slowly trying to escape! Very inspiring and I am sure many women need to see your post. Thank you for sharing! Perhaps my experience will help others break free of their misery. I had to do some awful, uncomfortable things, but they were all worth it. He did so much worse to me.
I felt much guilt for a while because I was doing things against my nature, but it was all for self preservation and my mental and physical health was worth the extreme measures taken. I forgive myself and want others to follow suit!
Living in peace is incredible! I just hope that sharing my experience will inspire those who feel stuck and overpowered.
Paybacks are a bitch and no one deserves to have their life turned upside down more than the person who turned my life upside down. For instance, I stacked his mail in order of importance to get handled, made files for his paperwork, alphabetized them and put them in a storage bin. I made sure his house had utilities in his name instead of mine! These people make you pity them, even after they have destroyed your life and your self esteem!
At first I felt like a fool for doing these things. But my actions only prove I have a heart — unlike the SP. For that, I can be proud of myself. Mine arrived at his empty house, found the note I left him, and reportedly bounced. Knew that was coming — so predictable in that regard! He asked his friend to go out to the house in the country, put a padlock on the garage, turn the well pump off, drain the pipes and make sure the heat is turned off.
Apparently, he spent no more than 5 minutes at the house and left. Cancellations, late fees, and negative credit reporting to follow! He took care of no business even though I made it easy for him. My leaving blew his mind to bits — at least momentarily. He just thought he had me beat down and dependent; and he did…for far too long…but I finally woke up and took action!
How we choose to live it is completely up to us. We can choose to remain a victim, or we can do whatever it takes to escape a horrible situation. Get tunnel vision. No one else will ever put you first. YOU have to do that. Everyone else is dealing with their own stuff; and although there are people who will help and support you as you get yourself out, they will not always put or keep you a first priority like you will.
I had to do things that go against every grain in my body and soul. I had to keep secrets. I had to think like him. What an incredibly uncomfortable way to live! Yet I knew I had to take care of myself, so I took lots of vitamins, got some sleeping pills so I could sleep, and used my excessive energy to make my getaway plans and go through everything in our house to sort his stuff from mine. I wanted nothing of his in my new life and home. I educated my self through websites like this one and others.
I know many of you reading these posts are in situations worse than mine, but I do hope that you will gain strength from educating yourself and gain empowerment from success stories of those who are now SP free. The peace I now have is overwhelming. All of this will sink in for him eventually, and he may come back at me with a vengeance some time down the road. His friends are learning through the grapevine that I left because of his lies and infidelities.
They realize he lied about his morality and core personality to them too and they are not too happy about that. Most likely, he will move out of town, because he really has nothing left here. When he realizes that, he will leave, tail tucked between his legs…a vision that delivers great joy and relief!!!
I believe you could GIVE them everything they would need for the rest of their lives and they would figure out a way to lose it all in a very short time. I actually gave my ex a fairly nice car, and within 3 months he had traded it off for something else and was without transportation. PS: Not only am I happier and more at peace, so is my dog! He would avoid my SP most of the time.
I should have paid more attention. He was much more intuitive than I was! It started as a personal blog. Am flattered that you think it was ever intended to be anything else. When I began I was writing TO my ex. Besides the majority of sociopaths are males. Females exist. I had been diagnosed with severe chronic ptsd. And I think I probably had not diagnosed aspergers all my life. Neither of those things made me manipulative deceptive or turned me into a liar, a master of illusion and deception and I have never used anyone else for my own selfish gain.
I write about sociopathy. Yes, the females are dangerously scary without conscience too! The women who have been broken and severely affected by the charm, manipulation and deceit all seem to express a similar pattern which is helpful to the public in learning how these types operate! You can at least be helpful by sharing your story and what she was like in the early stages of the relationship!
For instance, what captivated you, was she immediately cold, or overly compensating with kind gestures and quick to enter the relationship etc. She even looked like the devil too. Very trashy evil loser looking type and she targeted a specific man then ruined his life all over having a brief sexual encounter with her!
I turned out to be the passive, soft never wanting to hurt anyone and trying to please type as a result constantly experiencing her highs and lows, rages then always turning the other cheek waiting for her seemingly wonderful, sweet charming, fun loving side to re-emerge — until one day I decided to run and not go back!
She made me into a magnet for these personality disordered types. I had to cut ties with all of them and will not have children in the future to stop this nasty evil gene pool as coming from one, I can tell you I suffered emotionally growing up. Somehow, I was smart enough to run away from home really young top escape my mother. But, sadly, attracted men that were exactly like her or even worse. Hopefully, you can share some of your bad experience to help enlighten us on some of the horrid things female abusers do as well.
Everything counts! Believe me, we all would like to know! Hopefully, you will kindly share your nightmare with us too! Well basically we met online and it was my first relationship. She asked me out before we even met. I agreed and we met up for a date. Things went well but she showed a lack of emotion, always wanting me to buy her stuff.
And we got engaged after 3 months. I stopped buying her stuff and she broke it off. Have you ever wondered why your mom would be raging at one moment and calm and in peace the other moment? Maybe she was abused in the past ,maybe she was struggling with PTSD!
Best description of a sociopath in this blog and spot on in the case of this filthy old man! But karma always wins.
My father is a sociopath, and I began dating one myself long distance at She was charming, kind, funny, brilliant, and creative. She spoke well, wrote me beautiful poetry and would play trivia and mind games with me.
At first we were just friends, I knew nothing about her personal life except she had a verbally abusive boyfriend who was cheating on her. We became very close friends, talking and texting hours a day.
My best friend is dating a sociopath
She became incredibly jealous of my real friends and started to isolate me from them. Everytime I had other plans, she would have an emotional crisis and need me. Her life revolved around me, and made it so that mine revolved around her. Usually a crisis. She made up the most realistic detailed stories. I stupidly believed her. We did get to spend a lot of time together, though, and the sex was great and she was totally charming.
Long story short, we planned on moving in together. She was to fly in late December, but then she calls me from NY with a horror story about her cousins who were in a car wreck with their young daughter. The father died immediately, mother was in the ICU, and the 11 yr old had nowhere to go. So she stepped up to save the kid. The grandmother flew in, but hated the kid, so my gf was afraid to leave the kid with her.
After a few more weeks, she decided to come see me with the kid to get away for bit. We had a lovely time, until She got the call that the mother and grandmother left the hospital and were MIA.
After a few months and no progress, and me feeling terribly depressed, gf flew me out to her where she could no longer hide her secrets. I quickly figured out the kid was hers, she never planned on moving in with me, there was no accident, she was older than she said was, and was married but separated. Everything was a lie. When I confronted her, she still denied it! She never apologized. She eventually did confirm her daughter, but still refused to own up to any more lies.
My gf did that a lot… also look out for someone who tries to isolate you from others. They like to divide and conquer, meaning they like to turn people against each other and then ally themselves privately with all individuals… this lets them maintain control. They have a way of doing something cruel, but then rationalize it, and in the end, will have you apologizing to them.
If that happens to you, run. Thanks for sharing your story about a female SP! So sorry this happened to you. Self reflection and questioning is a good start to breaking to cycle and quickly learning to detach from these types of people! The unnecessary lies are the worst part. They have so much to hide, yes, they isolate, divide and conquer. My mom did this to all of her children, and abandoned them too.
Your story is the kind that would make an excellent real life documentary — movie script we can all learn a great lesson from — thanks for sharing, I feel your pain. Lying about the kid and everything else after confronting the lies is the worst of shock.
I just survived the same with a guy I knew for years. He tried to half way admit he realized he had a problem, but even that seemed contrived to manipulate and deceive even further since he was caught and confronted. He told me he was affected by me because of an emotional attachment with a sad look in his eyes, but I realized whatever emotion he was projecting only came from the fact he was caught and directly confronted about his own lies.
It hurt so much, but I realize I never really knew who he was and our entire relationship was a lie.10 Signs A Psychopath is Targeting You
So glad I know what I do and very thankful at least for that! Wishing you all the best in overcoming the deception and betrayal. Such a nightmare dealing with these types of people! She perhaps enjoyed breaking me though. And mad about the other sociopaths that went right into my weakness. And it makes me happy. And i look forward to the future. And my life is already changing a lot, in a good way. And every breath i take feels like a sigh of relief.
And wish you all the best. Take care! At least there are men who have survived the same ordeal. Certainly did not help given my mother is one of the sub species beings herself. I hope this never happens to you nor anyone else that is now going through process of de-programming themselves. I am really mad at my ex for the mind games and all those years of my youth lost as well.
For some reason, I read a bit of the Scott Peterson details lastnight and the lies and games were so much the same. I am so angry, but relieved to understand what happened to me. I want to heal hope I can begin attracting normal and healthy relationships from now on. I am completely alone after all this, but all I can do is make new plans and hope to meet and eventually embrace better quality people!
There must be a purpose and good reason we all now have a new found ability to understand such phenomena, it has been a soul tormenting experience, I want to heal and not remember this feeling ever again!
I hope you feel better fast and that something beautiful comes your way and to everyone here seeking comfort for ! Sending love and peace to everyone!
Be well! Been there. Other SPs entering the breach … it really kept my head under water for a looooong time. I so know this. The anger. We were NEVER together at least not the way i thought we wereand so there was nothing anyway there for us.
Only misery. Because we are smart and talented and sensitive yet strong. One needs a conscience to be all these things! One needs to have a normal brain, not a damaged one … Smile, for the smile on your face is true.
Beautiful occasion to spend time with yourself. We need this. Embrace who you are. While i thought i was terrible as a person, i actually discovered a beautiful soul when digging up deeper. A very high level of sensitivity, yet lots of courage and strenght, in a responsible, talented package.
Someone who tries to always honor his promises. Actually a great guy, only thing lacking is self-confidence and belief in my own worth. Oh and forgive me for talking so much about myself. One step leads to massive momentum and soon you do have your life back. Sometimes I have to pinch myself! Life is so incredibly good!! I have a modest job, a modest home, and a huge appreciation for the smallest things!
Air even smells sweeter! I too hope victims will be able to rise above and start their lives in ! So happy for you!! True, true, and TRUE … i now see how i consciously ignored and denied the red flags … now i see it all, and understand it all. This blog helped me a lot to define really clearly who she actually was, and added the missing piece to the puzzle.
Like all of a sudden, i am myself again, i see now everything clearly. Not only in my head, but in my life, i happen to see my brother a lot and he clearly sees a huge difference. Even the way i stand … it changed too. And the way i walk changed too. Now i take the big steps i used to take when i was younger, before all this happened.
And everything is so much better …. Even the fabric of my clothes on my skin feels smoother. I see girls that smile at me in the streets, and that kind of stuff that used to happen before i dated her happen all the time now.
And that wonderful feeling of wellness after taking a shower is back. I just started this phase. In a month, huge difference.
More than awesome? And that makes me happy. I realize as well that my thinking skills and cognitive abilites are getting better every day. Lots of small things prove that.
I had it for FIVE long hard years! No Contact is so hard! So glad to hear you both are finding things to occupy your time!! What a great way to start the year!! Keep it up!! I am on my iPhone, pray for me, I can get some tech help.
Yes yes and yes. This is similar to what I went through. I hate liars and I started to tell my sis everything he said because I began to not see the inconsistencies and feel guilty. I thought I was going crazy and he even said I was when I confronted him, until one day I was just like nah.
The abuse started then and I honestly felt nothing, the heartbreak had already occurred when I realised what he was so by then I was cold. He made crisis after crisis happen to him and had crazy girls calling my phone, I just began to fight back and called him out on every lie. Told everyone to not talk to him that I knew and not accept friend requests. I wiped his numerous numbers from my phone and memory and told him to not contact me again.
Now I always cross reference things people say and pride myself on pulling myself out and becoming more confident. Listen to your intuition, nothing is as glamorous as it seems. Not all that glitters is gold.
It is clear; whoever wrote this, English is not their primary language! These bloody scammers are everywhere. Can this person be banned from posting on this site? Back again to say hello to everyone! Happy New Year!! However, the weird cycle of thinking about what he did is still with me. Today he was on mind mind, yet all I kept thinking is how good it is that we are not interacting, I miss the thought of what I figured I had to look forward to with him, then once I remind myself of how false he was and that last time I got to see him, to confront him about his double life and hidden secret, that keeps my resistance good and strong!
I only say to myself now, I wish he did not do this to me, he was cruel, fake, selfish and mean. I am struggling to embrace the feeling of being with myself again and how much safer I feel being without him, the thought of having to meet him at times in the past would made me feel weird and often resistant, now I know why.
The torment, shock, pain, disbelief was unbearable, I did not know what to do with myself in that very moment — I had to hold myself together somehow! The feeling of being in a nightmare was an understatement.
I have a grip and accept the reality I hoped was not real. Discovering he was a full blown Pathological Liar and con artist. My intuition can be frightening, I realize I need topstart appreciating and relaxing with it. I have always had the ability to read certain things and pick up on what most people seem oblivious too. I have never felt that way, but I am pretty good at keeping a lid on it and not showing signs of mistrust.
I am going to miss the relationship I thought he and I would eventually share and take into a deep level. I really wish he was not this entity I discovered, because I wanted to be with him — genuinely cared for his well-being, life and future. Now, the thought of him frightens me and I realize I dodged a bullet. This is all tragic and too bad, because I am so proud of myself for handling things the way I did. I am detoxing from him now. It feels good, yet I wish it were different, then again, not with the entity I watched unfold right before my eyes as I slowly introduced to him the fact that I uncovered his secrets.
Angry at times that this is taking so much of me emotionally from where I need to be focused. I am going to miss the thought of how a future with him in it was possibly going to be. Saddened to have been duped by him. But, feeling very confident at the same time.
I am just so mad he is not who he was projecting and playing mind games with me, the way he did. It was stupid and so pointless. Disgusting and artificial. I am okay, just still feeling the sting and pain, yet much happier in another way!
I need to be alone and it feels so good to be! This can not happen again — this was an awful situation to face and would not wish this type of deception and trickery on anyone. He really was getting a kick out of deliberately and coldly calculating how to destroy me.
Oh, it hurts so bad, but I will get through and survive this game. Some moments I am in fear of him, it comes and goes! My poor brain, heart and sould. Oh, this is awful to realize, yet- I am facing and absorbing it head on! This will not happen to me again! I know exactly how you feel. It stings and feels empowering at the same time. The truth is, because of our good hearts we are perfect targets for this type of man.
They prey on strong, sensitive and compassionate women, because we tend to be more open to trusting them immediately. They are so good at pretending to be all of the things we want. They know us well and have perfected their game. They come on as Prince Charming and once they know they have you, they slowly start being controlling and manipulative. They soon take no responsibility for anything. It hurts and consumes the best of us. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter who I fall in love with, I always need to love myself a little more.
What you and I miss the most……and still brings tears to my eyes…. They will never make anyone happy. These sociopaths are walking through life without any real connections. You did nothing wrong.
You are loving and you will learn to protect your heart by balancing your gift of intuition and empathy. You may want to take a quiz on your empathy level, because it can help you accept why you feel so betrayed and hurt.
I am very sensitive and empathetic, but I am also strong and confident. Personally, I am more angry at myself, because being with this person made me feel crazy. How did I let it happen? I just hope to find forgiveness for him, because I understand how sad and empty his life will always be. He still wants me…. That is all I know to do…. Just say NO. Quit it like a bad habit…. Just love yourself a little more, always, because it will provide you with the courage and the will to leave. One step at a time….
That is the greatest relationship you will ever have in life! Thanks for such a comforting reply. Everything you said makes perfect sense and is spot on.
What an experience! It was like quitting a bad habit cold — turkey and had to be done immediately. There are very dangerous and seriously disordered people out there. There are so many stages to overcoming the damaging effects of a relationship with an SP! I some how found the strength and courage to secretly leave, start a new life and that is all going well.
I am even enjoying spending time getting to know me and just being alone with me. I truly loved my SP. The quick teary outbursts that come out of nowhere can drop me to my knees in an instant. Then comes the anger for being crushed over a man who treated me so badly and could so easily lie and deceive me.
Divorce should be final in May. Perhaps things will be easier then…when all the legal BS is done and no longer nagging in the back of my mind. I had a problem with my boyfriend 6 months ago, which lead to our broke up. When he broke up with me, i was not myself again; i fill so empty inside me. Until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too. Before i knew what was happening, not up to 48 hours, my boyfriend gave me a call and he come back to me and told me he was sorry for everything that happen,i am so greatful to this spell caster and will not stop publishing his name on the net for the good work he is doing.
If you need his help,you can email him at onimalovespell gmail. I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 5 years who recently broke up with me.
He came on strong, alienated my family, lied about his family. Turns out his family life was horrible, but he lied about it. He always placed the blame on me for his own troubles, and had a couple violent outbursts. He never threatened me, and he was always in debt.
When we broke up, he had been sending gifts to another woman and never mentioned it to me. He never responded to that and has gone from texting me several times a day to nothing. I am at a loss because he was my best friend. He would never talk about his past, and he moved in with me, never offering to pay for rent or utilities.
Only when I asked him to. He basically lived here for free. He meets most of the warning signs but not all. Mine owed the IRS too. It sickens me that we all dated the same guy! That way, they could make us 2nd and even 3rd guess ourselves!
This is so scary because my bf who I dated off and off for the last 6 yrs is exactly like this. He checks off on everything on this list.
When we would get back together I looked for any excuse each and every time to leave him, but he always pulled me back in and made me feel horrible for thinking about leaving or even trying. I want out now before something bad happens because I have a feeling in my gut that he may become dangerous down the line. Hi yes they do get worse. The most dangerous is when they feel out of control.
Oct 20, - Most likely, you shouldn't tell her that her date is a sociopath. The best you can do is to be an awesome friend so she can see the difference Is it safe to be best friends with a psychopath? Help my friend is dating a sociopath - Join the leader in online dating services a thread on your best friend and social predators display a sociopath may think. Apr 23, - Sociopaths are attracted to strong, loving, achievers at a good place in It seems to me if my friend is dating a sociopath and I make negative.
If you do get out. Make sure you do it safely. Esp if they realise that the split is permenant they can do all that they can to ruin and destroy you. This last run of his made me thank GOD he left cause I never would have had the heart to throw the bum out in the street.
He would have leeched onto me the rest of my life! I just found out this site and I gotta say, Im a little scared by what I read… Maybe I can start by telling my story. Im in a relationship with this guy, my boyfriend, since Its gonna be 4 years this year. I met him randomly, in a bus stop. He just started to talk to me while we were waiting for the bus.
The way he approached me was really polite, respectful, I really liked his way. When the bus came, he gently asked me if he could sit next to me. I mean, he looked educated, he was well spoken. Anyway, it was summer time so we saw eachother quite often, at least 4 times a week. It all went really fast. For the first 6 months everything was doing good. We kept goin at different spas, massages, high class restaurants… I was young at this time 18 yoso let me tell you I was quite amazed.
So yes everything was doin really well. The only thing I thought was missing in our relationship was actually his lack of emotion… Yes we would do all these activities together but not a single time would he come to hug me I always didcuddle with me again, it was always meand maybe the more important, tell me he loves me he actually never did… even after 4 years. He would never express any big joy, or any sadness.
Any empathy. Like litterally, no feeling at all. I read that asian people can be less expressive, because of their culture. But its more than that… Its hard to explain… Now about his age… I told you he was older than me.
Well when we met he told me he was 23 I was It was fine for me, it was a 5 years old gap. I just found out a few months ago that he has been lying to me all these years, he was 27 in reality!!! They keep their own lives private whilst keeping tabs on YOUR life. They tell such big lies that eventually they become the lie and can almost believe it themselves.
I only met his brother and his sister recently, but it was only for a couple of minutes, he had to bring them back some stuffs and I insisted to come with him. Never met his parent tho…. He doesnt care about anything. He lost his job, he didnt even try to hide it from me, he just didnt care. He actually stayed at my place for a whole year after that, without paying anything because of course he didnt have any money.
I was a student at that time and I was only working a part-time job so I was osten struggling with the bills and everything, but he didnt seem to care. Whenever I feel sad or he sees Im not in my normal mood, he wouldnt ask me whats wrong, he would just talk to me like if everything was fine. We were supposed to go on a trip to New York for 4 days I live in Canadahe cancelled the same day we were supposed to go, just to punish me even tho he was wrong in that situation.
He knew I was waiting for this trip for the whole week… I was so disappointed, all my stuffs were packed, I was ready to go… I cried, I asked him why he would do something like that, it was purely mean… He couldnt care less. He actually just went into the bed and slept It was not even bed time… Like 2PM.
He never show remorse, empathy, guilt or shame. He never offers to help, he only do things when these are beneficial for him. Again, I just feel he doesnt really care if something would happen to me. He would just move on to the next one. One day I went out in a cafe with one of my friend without telling him, I came back home at 1 AM and he never called me to see where I was. Does he have to match all the characterictic to be one?
Cause I would say a lot of them do apply to him, but not all. There are a few things that leap out from your comment. Firstly, did you ever see proof that he had paid for the trip to NY? As I suspect if he is a sociopath that this just an illusion presented to you, they do this.
When the truth was, it was never going to happen. Sociopaths can be very charismatic and charming, so you might not realise that you are being manipulated and controlled for example if he lied about NY this is controlling behaviour. Living off you like a parasite low functioning sociopaths do this — Talking to you like everything is fine when you are upset, and not reading that you are hurt and upset but also people with certain autism can not read or register feelings — Not showing empathy guilt or shame — Only doing things that are beneficial to him — They are very good liars, so you might not realise the lies that he has told — often the lies come to the surface only after the relationship has ended.
They are good at being in your life, but not allowing you to be in theirs. I think what is important is not who he is, but how you feel about you, being around him.
This is what is most important if he makes you feel bad, it is bad, and he is bad for you. So really where is this going? You deserve to be treated better…. All sociopaths like everybody else are different.
There are varying degrees some are worse than others. Really someone who doesnt care about your needs, is not good for you.
You deserve so much better. So i became very sad and lost in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so hard for me and my family. Progress being made…three months to the day after moving out of the SPs life while he was out of town, I have filed for divorce. I broke no contact and met him at the court house and had him pay for the divorce. He signed all the papers and now I never have to talk to him or see him again.
He told me a sob story that he has stomach cancer. However, my mistrust in him is well placed and he earned it. I cannot express the overwhelming sadness that day brought.
Now how can that be? I have no impositions.
My Friend is Dating a Sociopath
I have peace. I am enjoying me and this blossoming experience. The quality of everything in my life is so much better now. So how is it that this was such a debilitatingly painful day? I know what he is. I know what he did. How can I allow that to hurt like this? What the hell is wrong with me?
I am mourning a monster! I am sorry for your loss. It will get better. Evolutionary speaking sociopaths are good mates. They are very attractive domineering men if conditioned properly. You are still attracted to the excitement he brought you.