Main -> Dating -> Healthy habits of online dating #3 – Due diligence - Tamsin Astor PhD

Healthy habits of online dating #3 – Due diligence - Tamsin Astor PhD

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Radiant Culture — In this episode we get advice from Pastor Evan Mawarire as he shares 15 questions dating couples must ask each other before they commit to each. He calls this the Relationships Due Diligence, and he explains why its critical for dating couples to know the answers to these questions before they commit to each other to have a better chance at making their relationship successful. This discussion is in 2 parts, so in this 1st part we discuss the first 5 questions and the rest continue in the next episode so look out for part 2 after this one.

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Developers constantly update and improve. Easy and intuitive to use. New features frequently added. And stupid. She is truly also one of my biggest fans, and tells how wonderful I am and how much I deserve from a man! Not willing to downgrade myself to AC.

If at all. That would have saved me so much hurt and disappointment. Oh Amen Blueberry Girl! Blueberry girl, I am the same way with casual relationships.

I have tried a couple of times and always ended up crying into a pillow in the dark, while he is carrying on without a care in the world. I told him I was not interested in being a booty call and he said I should look at it more like partners in sex.

He knows I am vulnerable and he totally tried to take advantage of my state. Thankfully I did not cave. I physically wanted to very badly and even had a moment of thinking that maybe if we reconnected he would remember the good times and want to be with me. I know thats not how it works, so I stayed strong and salvaged at least a shred of self-respect. Lostagain, Pat yourself on the back. When I slept with a man who just wanted me for sex my exMM comes to mindI would enjoy it for the moment and suffer terrible emotional pain afterward.

Keep dodging the bullet. It helped me break free. Where DO these guys come up with these lines?! And perhaps go full NC on his arse? It really speeds up the healing process, in my experience. Why, if you describe him as an AC, was he able to get in touch with you to deliver this delightful proposition?

Oh Lost Again, I so identify with crying into a pillow in the dark while he went on about his business. I am sorry for what you are going through right now but you are on the right track, in my opinion. Partners in Sex, WTF. Where in the sam hell do these guys get this shite? Hang in there and double flush this AC. I did it and thought the same for two years.

Loved your comment about falling off the wagon but not getting run over by it. If you read the thread by Natasha above, there is hope. We can expect real dates and get to know these guys and bail, if we treat dating as a discovery phase. Good for you for not caving. You know better now and what is good for you. Decline his card. This is why BR such a great place. Every night, I discover a new AC line. Soooo sorry Lostagain. Nat and so many others are living proof. Double, double flush.

May I flush him too?

Stand strong. So well said Yoghurt! I loved your whole comment — you really hit the nail on the head about 20 times! I think this is very true. Well said. It kind of sums up why these arrangements are not a good idea. I never heard of one yet. A lot of manipulation and games.

Never again. I assumed that I would at least be treated with some respect and be told when he had met someone and when he was dating turns out he decided to act like an ass so I would leave instead of actually saying he was dating someone …. This leaves me angry and frustrated when I discover that the person I invested so much of my heart in turns out to be a jerk. Go figure. Thank goodness I made it to rehab LOL. Christine, I agree completely! Then when I begin to feel myself getting carried away and forgetting what early dates are for, I can excuse myself for a few moments and go and re-read it in the Ladies as a reality-check reminder.

Because this post says it all in a nutshell. As usual, this article just came at the perfect time! However, because he pursued me relentlessly for the first 6 weeks, I was flattered into dating him against my gut feeling. Kinda sad really. Still, I think I stayed with him so long because I wanted it to work because he ticked all the boxes and because I hoped some spark would ignite within me.

This was me exactly.

I was casually dating a guy for 6 months — a really nice guy — and as SunnyB puts it, all the boxes were ticked. So I basically went along half-heartedly for the ride… and then frustrated him into pursuing someone else. But I should have done the kind thing and let him go alot sooner. Because in all honesty — and as kind and sweet as he was — this man barely registered on my radar most of the time.

Healthy habits of online dating #3 – Due diligence

And I guess I got to see the other side of the equation. Snap to everything you just said! True words!!!!

Read their profile and look at their pics before you engage. Maybe there are some flags or deal-breakers for you.

My fault for eating it up like banana cream pie. Two months later, he abruptly bailed on me following a stressful event in his life, after professing the sky and the moon caliber feelings. If I would have laid back for 6 months — yes, that long — I would not have been so badly hurt. Then return when better.

I allowed this about 3x. Please know, that the true colors of these guys will come out when they are under stress. They can charm the heck out of you when all is well. These two were extraordinarily bright, charming and handsome. Yet both of these guys abruptly disappeared once they hit serious stressful incidents in their life. I am very sympathetic to people with mental health struggles, but I am not wired to be in relationships with unpredictable people — and both of these guys had absolutely NO regard for my feelings in the choices they made.

Dating due diligence

Maybe others are able to deal with it better than I can. That is so true! My last one was just like this. I was totally shocked to discover him trying to get back with her, just completely blindsided.

But like you say, he was more or less declaring that I was the love of his life within a very short space of time from our first date — and, yes, I lapped it up like it was some kind of magical life-giving elixir.

Broadsided, Your last paragraph interested me. I saw the conversation as opening up and trusting me, but in hindsight I think he was really warning me and throwing out a disclaimer. He called himself flawed and gestured that he had limited coping abilities. Well, the boy ended up disappearing on me after, like he never knew me after 6 months.

I guess I need to tighten up my idea of what red and amber flags are, and honestly, quit being so empathetic. I could stand to be a little more judgmental, for my own good.

Bad recipe. I think this is a really important point. We have to be alert to the disclaimers when we start seeing someone. In hindsight though, if we think back to the kind of things they said at the beginning then their disclaimers become very obvious. The first kiss. We stood face to face, nose to nose.

I knew he was about to kiss me. He remained still. I was waiting. Then it dawned on me that he was waiting! It felt very awkward, so I did the kissing, just to move the moment on — or we might have stood like that all night!

Cathy Lumsden - Do Your Due Diligence for Online Dating

I thought at the time he was bashful. Not cute. Just an arsehole. He was getting in his disclaimer — the one that removes all of his responsibility because technically I made the first move. On and Off. If i ever go out with another man, thanks to BR, I will be very alert to the chucking about of disclaimers.

I feel I have to explain my dodgy past and confess my mental health issues as if the poor guy was a frickin priest. Girls, careful what you wish for! Or do I have to explain it? And acceptable to myself. Let he who has handled his whole life perfectly cast the first stone! You do not have to explain or confess anything. You are more than enough! You are who your are. You have been where you have been. You are now where you are now.

And you have been short-changed too many times, Grace. These terrible things you imagine you need to confess — you have not lived in a vaccum; we are all of us part of a bigger picture — not all of it by any means under our control. You had a life before now — not all of it fan-dabby-dozie.

So, welcome to the human race! You are handling it. You have come so far… now you need to be confident in who you are NOW. If you want to make the past a problem in your next relationship, then it will be. Get yourself right in — with both feet — to your now, to your present, Grace. Good to know and I refuse to indulge it anymore!

Grace, I get confused over this too. From this situation I think I learned something…you should be able tell your past not every sordid detail, but the overall picturebut wait a while before you do it. How long I think will vary with each relationship. Wait until that person knows you better and knows who you are NOW. You are who you are now partly because of your past. I did some stupid things over the years, and I feel shame for staying in an abusive relationship for four years.

It makes me feel unattractive as a partner to them once they know that I put up with abuse earlier in my life. I was ready to see him how he was today. Unfortunately, his past is still his present and he still carries around his past tragedies as a shield.

If you've ever had a relationship fade out after a few dates, then odds are you already know what it's like to have a failed vendor relationship. Dating is a discovery phase for you both to find out the facts about one Some of you think you're doing due diligence but are looking at the. In this day and age, all of you Google before a date, right? What's the etiquette of how much to reveal you know?.

I do too, but to a lesser degree. He realized it before me and bailed. I feel betrayed honestly. But in the future I want to be able to share some things with my partner. I want to be accepted for who I am. I want someone to know who I am……my mistakes, my successes, and my moles, and still love me. I can give the same consideration regarding their past if I am being treated with respect and their is no ambiguity.

But, there was ambiguity surrounding us and sometimes he felt distant……that was a clue I ignored or tried to explain away as depression, when it was actually EU. It should come out naturally over time and some of it may never need to be told. I think telling someone they are guarded and should open up is a boundary bust. Sometimes they just want to get inside your head and mess with the controls because they think they know best and are oh-so-trustworthy.

Not necessarily true. Maybe they are looking for instructions for how to manipulate your vulnerabilities and past hurts to get what they want and need in the present. Anyone you date would be blessed to be with you regardless of whether and what you decide to tell them about your past relationships.

I preferred it when I thought he was a bit thick. Case in point: One of my girlfriends is getting married in a few months. She would happily tell you if she could that no one did more dumb stuff than her in our younger years. I think I have her beat, but she insists she was 1 Dingbat. Game on. Literally not one person. Remember that you can like him going well being a good singer, in this case. A sign of a healthy relationship is relishing in the strengths of one another.

But for now, you can just enjoy him. Just wait and see. I had to do this for a while, watch my affection for someone spiralling into selfish possessiveness and some weird insecure-rivalry thing.

I know what you mean re the weird insecure rivalry thing. After church, a few women were fluttering around him how dare they?! I noticed him first when everyone else was ignoring him! Preferable to joining the queue I suppose. We discover things about ourselves too. Dating For Dummies!! Welcome to my world. I required a lengthy phone call with my married with two kids sister to accept a dinner date, so I truly know what you mean.

If this dude serenades you, I expect you to report back immediately. Stay in the moment, Grace, enjoy and just BE. You owe him nothing but enjoying his company. All will happen in a natural flow.

Take a deep breath. If you are interested in the guy, it may be up to you to let him know you have changed your mind? I can look at my past or I can focus on the fact that I was massively rejected by a number of people and dumb and deluded enough to let them to mess me about and waste my life. All us work-it-outers can do is pay attention to the lessons and turn the suffering into something good.

I am so hearing you! I had more WTF! I managed to douse every one of these unpleasant explosions with my handy hand-held WTF fire extinguisher. Jennynic and radiogirl: It is so validating for me to share that others have this experience with the guys who come on strong, with or without mental health issues. Nothing is really unique, is it?? I needed that laugh.

That in itself does not seem harmful, and I thought if someone is open about their condition, unlike my last boyfriend before him who hid it and just acted in crazymaking ways….

I am no mental health professional, but two things characterize these guys that are worth watching for: coming on strong, and being very impulsive. I was a sucker in believing, this last time.

They need to EARN that status!!!!! I had to learn this the hard way. I recently ended a 3-year relationship with guy who was only recently diagnosed as bi-polar with ADHD. He is a lovely, sweet man, and I have great sympathy for him and his various challenges. But the funny thing is this: I found out about his issues only AFTER tolerating 3 years of crappy, confusing, self-esteem-sucking behavior.

Bad behaviour is bad behaviour. Whatever the reason, I should have bailed out at the first sign of it. Broadsided Absolutely, someone can have a decent job, be financially responsible, intelligent, funny, well-educated, perceptive, have lots of friends, religious beliefs and STILL be EU. Exhibit A: moi in the past. As for mental health issues, has he sought treatment? How are your boundaries and self-esteem?

How would you feel about him being the father of your children? I would not trust myself to handle anything other than stock standard basic. People with issues are magnets for florences and people that want to do reno on them — that is bad bad bad! Grace — that is an interesting comment. For me — it is about their behavior towards me. Neither of these two did. The first did not get treatment — apparently — did not even inform me of his issue; I found out from someone else after we broke up and the dots were totally connected for me in terms of his behavior.

The last guy informed me up front — but honestly, I did not suspect someone merely on antidepressants or with past depression, would be that impulsive e. Erratic behavior, and rude behavior that occurs without regard for my feelings, are things I cannot handle.

I gave them each a chance, but they were each going to drive ME into having mental and emotional problems. Point well taken above — the first time, I stayed in for a collective 2 years — for the highs and the fun, even though I experienced lows. This recent relationship just went on 2 months. I was very hurt at this weird breakup….

A red flag I ignored was his dating history. BUT — I was different; I did not bug him in any way, nor did I pursue him, but he actively pursued me. In my situation, I was confused about whether we were even dating! It also gave them open licence to sleep around and do whatever they wanted. Never again! This is like signing up to ambiguity central. The LTR deal — this also has to be explicit.

Remember that you also have to be capable of writing a good deal too. What do you bring to the table? Now, I think after reading this I will go and have a quiet cry! Assanova Fantasy Investments? Can you detect a switch? Enforce no contact afterwards. In my case, my expectations were managed down even further — it was like being allowed to swim in a pool on the condition that I wear a ball and chain to my leg.

Exhausting and difficult to breathe! Logistics — if there are huge amounts of travel or your work hours mesh so that you hardly see each other, this is bad. I flushed someone because they kept telling me how unbelievably busy they were at work.

Also handy for flushing out committment resisters! Maybe im a committment resister. Out of curiosity what period of time would you date someone before you would live together? What is there to be afraid of? Living together means you can see them more often and spend more time with each other and do things together. I think moving in in the first three months is a big mistake.

Yippeeee, Natalie!! I was dubious then and though I had my own mind ha, habut perhaps the one-year mark plus or minus is not that far off. Well, P. You will be in love and having a time of your life.

And why would you rush into getting married when you are having a perfectly good time being in love and living together. I like that expression, no fire. The only thing is, if you feel there is a fire you might act in panic.

You might end up signing up for stuff you will have no idea was included in the deal and also subject your future children to that deal. I want to say proceed with caution and armed with what Natalie teaches about. I have done that, my kids dad died when they were little and it was back breakingly hard at times but I would do it over again. Things just sadly end up being far away from fairy tales but life can be still so good. Back to the beginning.

I feel I can deal with it should it happen. He will be an entirely whole person with his own thoughts, feelings, desires, emotions, plans. Take one of my sisters for e. Her marriage breaks down. She starts seeing another guy.

He lives in a flat with his pal a shared mortgage. Then he stays over so many nights a week that he just stops going home. Hey Presto! By default. Just because. No marking of the occasion.

There was no occasion. It just happened. Eventually they buy another, bigger, house together. Sister sells her home and thousands of pounds of her profit on the sale goes as a down payment to the new home. Guy does not sell his home — he invests nothing on the grounds that his pal still lives in his previous home. She keeps saying she wants out of the relationship but she now cannot afford to buy her own home again. She cannot ever get back to the position as independent home owner that she was in before she met him.

I have seen this kind of thing lots of times causing all kinds of problems, both practical and emotional. It often happens by default — because someone stayed over so many nights that they just never went home again! Fearless, that exactly has happened to me once — the guy in question slowly dragged all his stuff over to my place, visits extended to 7 times a week and then he proposed that he rents his flat out, so HE can have some extra income while trying to muscle in on my business at the same time.

So I packed his stuff for him. It is really important to take your time and get to know them and get to know how YOU feel about them. And how to get out. Living together is certainly a big deal. I did this about 3 years ago with someone I was in a relationship with. The good thing was this relationship ended amicably. But it was still too soon. No not really. Living together does not always mean you have to sell your place.

You could rent it out to someone else and move in with your partner. I guess you have to take things into consideration, I would not like to just end up living with someone because they just happened to be there, to me it is a joint decision and may take a number of things into consideration like the finiacial arrangements and where you will live etc etc.

Sometimes I do judge my journey by the question can I live with a guy? This is silly since I have yet to meet a guy who wants to date me and me him, but at the same time I can see issues in my life that still need dealing with that have come from asking myself this question. Thanks for the food for thought, Tierd.

Probably the most basic thing I need to grasp is that I have a choice I can opt out of relationships. One of the partners will likely feel inconvenienced and short-changed — at best. I speak for myself when I say it has been messy enough without all of the moving in and moving out to deal with as well.

Ex EUM comes to mind! And that I was okay with that for so long says a lot about me and my attitude to commitment! Somehow, the thread went from dating as a discovery phase to moving in together. To give her credit, they lasted 3 years and she thrived and almost finished school before thing went tits up. Dear lord, dating really, really is a discovery phase.

Moving in after 3 months leaves me shrieking into the night. Seems like my 22 year-old daughter just discovered it. I moved in with the first bf after dating a few months because I went on a trip, he kept my stuff, and when I came back I just went where my stuff was. To be fair, my mother seemed to sniff at the idea that after 3 months of dating, that he might not want to have me move in! Took me almost 6 years to disentangle myself. Your post made me think of my friend, who has a daughter who just turned My friend now wants to point her daughter to BR.

I think that is true. Though I appreciate other people are in different circumstances; they may have less to lose and have no children to consider. I either have to do it all on my own besides my full-time job packing and unpacking boxes, painting walls, putting shelves up on the walls, do whatever legal work is involved, supervise the movers, get new furniture that fits into the new place if needed and so on or hire costly help.

Of course, I might qualify as EU because of this. I really think months is way too soon to be moving in together. How well do you really know someone within 1 month? You can be committed and spend all kinds of time together without living together—hell, you can see each other every evening if you like.

Intimacy and progression can happen while living in separate homes. The first few months should very much be a discovery stage…. Another way to look at it: what would you think if you started dating a man who had a history of moving in with each gf after a month or so of dating? At the very least I would worry that he was a fast forwarder…. I thought it was just me who found most of my stuff at his house or found his stuff at my house and we moved in.

I will not be signing the lease for the next guy she decides to move in with after 3 hot months. I can hardly wait to turn her on to BR. Hugs to you all. Screaming loudly into the night…moving in after 3 months…yikes. Date them first. Tired, I think this one depends on a lot of personal preferences. Other than my bulldog.

In a good relationhip, their ass will probably still be there in two months haha! I need to ponder. I think and each time there was a definite point where I felt like loading all my stuff into my car and driving it off a cliff and into the sea. But what is easy in life? Things take effort to do. I want to come home to someone and wake up next to someone. I moved house recently. It took three weeks to organise and one day to do the actual move. Relationships are Sometimes you do have to put money down and run the risk of having some kind of loss as standard.

No risk, no return! I think there is a big difference though in take on that issue depending on how old you are. And home ownership plays a role too. On the flipside, there is no getting to know anyone as well as when you live together, so getting married before living together- I would definitely not do that either.

Then there are people who just like their space, but relationship to me is about ultimately sharing everything, including space and you can have plenty of it living together.

Because although legally it is not the same as being married, functionally, it is, without the same level of commitment. Fearless, that is exactly how it goes.

My ultimate goal is a loving committed marriage and I just dont see getting there by living with someone first. Living together would be a big deal to me too. Same with marriage proposals. I think we all know how wrong that assumption can be. Same with marriage. OW situations usually happen with a guy who lives with his wife. We should rather wonder: Do we want this? Is it good for us? I think we need to take our time to find the answer. So much dating advice is centred on getting him to like and commit to you, not focusing on your own feelings and deciding whether he deserves to be in your life!

I also blog sometimes about dating and relationships and have just written a post on this very same subject. Ultimately I think women need to focus more on their own wants and needs, and less on trying to gain male approval. Anyway, if you think my post would be of interest then feel free to come over and have a read:.

Me included. Loved your article! If I wanted somebody to become the closest, most important other person in my life, how could I play cat-and-mouse with him?

How could I ever expect to be loved for who I really was if I had to become completely fake in the process? Anything like that can radically mess with your sense of who you are and your ability to trust others. I absolutely agree with you that BR is a great site. Out of all the people writing about sex and relationships Natalie consistently speaks sense. I like the way she encourages women to build themselves up and focus on their own self-esteem rather than on how to get men to like them.

Her advice is empowering. Thank you Stephanie! I just think it is so disempowering for women to try to follow that sort of advice. And more to the point, who would want the kind of man who responds positively to that BS!? This is a shame I think, because when we are vulnerable we need to be building up our self esteem and doing things to make us feel good about ourselves, not trying to change ourselves and suppress our natural instincts in order to make someone validate us.

To him it was all a big game and obviously no one got him to commit. He lent me his copy of the book, never could work out why. Yes, that was a good article and made me laugh, too! That leads to no good. It should indeed be about us and our needs. How many men have tried to adapt to US?

Or try to get US to commit? Ha ha ha — do they even need to? Thanks Broadsided. As you quite rightly say though, no good can come of it. Your plan sounds like a good one. Lately I have been reading about dating how to go about it etc. I am amazed about the false beliefs I carried around 1. If a man shows interest in me then wow he is the one. If a man shows any interest in me then wow he is here to fix me and make me whole and happy and I will do the same for them.

I have absolutely no say in a relationship I cannot dump them I cannot be part of decisions I am to be a doormat. Now if I had dated with my eyes ears open and with my feet firmly planted in reality I would have seen clearly what type of person the ex ac is. I shudder to think that I truly thought he was the one for me.

One more thing I have learnt is to listen to what they say at the beginning of the dating proces. So sad Tulipa! I always acted as if I was in a relationship even if we were dating. Typical fallback — trap your partner and sex them into commitment. All without any boundaries or deal for protection. The AC was a total intimacy and contact resister. So much texting! Nobody has ever texted me so much! I kept waiting around, trapped in my feelings, it was just totally insane.

Sushi, oh, please… When I read it after myself I could not believe it. But it is true. The only thing to do with a guy who texts you this message is to completely ignore him for the rest of his life.

Just stunned. Two years and much heartache later, I finally heard him. Listen to what this dude is telling you and run. The brass balls of these guys is amazing. They really do think the sun shines out their arse. This one should be No. Yeah, that was pretty radical. I just had to post this here, though, bc I assumed someone would appreciate the irony! No answer, ha ha, but I feel lighter. Maybe it was petty…. You meet a guy. Or, he calls on a Wednesday and actually asks if he can take you to dinner on Friday.

Something called an actual date. Nothing more. After mistakes, and suffering…serious levels of suffering, and counseling, and friends who are wise and holding you up, and this great website, it really should start to become clear.

It is for me. We are worth love. We know what it feels like to give it, and receive it, because we are human. Anything less, we know…we have a feeling.

And we need to act on it. This is what I can live with. This is what I cannot. Natalie, I love every single dating post. You are quite an expert! Your posts on dating are incredibly inspiring. Of course, I like to ruminate and analyze and it all makes perfect sense on cyber-paper.

My somethings are going to be very different thanks to BR. All sounds right on cyber-paper.

Private Investigator, Investigation, Background searches, Tenant Background, Business Due Diligence Reports, Reputation Management - Social Media. Listen to The Dating Relationships Due Diligence (Part 1) and other episodes by Radiant Culture. No signup or install required. PODCAST EP The Dating Relationships Due Diligence. In this episode we get advice from Pastor Evan Mawarire as he shares 15 questions.

I still feel a bit wobbly but I know up from down now. Natalie and the BR community, you are all are such an inspiration. Thank you. Tonight was a difficult one for me. I am sitting crying my eyes out,I have done alot of work,And I know I am getting better,But it seems like I Am unable to stop these feelings of low worth. As I have said before I was on a dating site,but I cancelled my profile,I was finding myself no interested,and terrified of getting out there… Well An email came thru today for matches on the site,Guess who was a match???

New pics,new profile words,aand he even had the Gall to use something I said to him to describe him in his profile…I all but broke down…. Oh, brenda, hug! His profile photo- him in my bedroom, smiling up at me because I took the photo!

Well, that was nice for me, not. This episode has put me back tremendously and rattled me to the core. What we need to do is keep remembering the REALITY of them and that relationship, and putting one foot at the time in front of the next towards ourselves and away from them. Real NC. I think we really need to think of meeting someone as a by-product of living our lives, not a main aim of it.

I can see why that would make your blood boil. Face front! Keep well.

Jennifer Brown Banks talks about doing due diligence when it comes to dating through some savy detective work. Radiant Culture, 14 Mar The Dating Relashionships Due Diligence (Part 2) - In this episode we continue from part 1 with Pastor Evan Mawarire as he shares 15 . Dating is a kind of due diligence. It gives you the opportunity to get to know a person you may have feelings for. This process is very important.

Thank you fearless. Hey Brenda, you are not alone. Every situation has a different timeline. Stay with your feelings and feel them, even the feelings of low self-worth.

In my case, the feelings of low self-worth were the worst and the most important to address. Stay with your feelings. I have to share a back in the day story. As my 3rd marriage was ending back in the earlybefore online dating was the thing and before every household had three computers per member and before there were IPads and IThises and IThatswe had one shared computer and one email address.

The not even an exH yet immediately signed signed up on Match on the shared email address. His profile pics on Match were pics the wedding photographer took at our wedding in Kuai! His profile info contained absolute lies. Be careful with online dating. I tried it a few years ago and it seemed to me to be about shagging, at least that was my experience.

Just take it slowly. Thank Runnergirl1. You are bang on Girl. What a dreadful thing for u at the time…What the F are these guys thinking?? I am not ready to date,this I know.

I was thinking about all the people I have met over the years online dating,and all but mabye 2 are still freinds. It is hard pressed to actually find 2 people that are happy and are still together that met off a dating site,well atleast from my experience. This last Guy I met,again just stopped calling,I didnt call him either!!

So I know I am getting diff values and morals real quick! When I told him that I am not going to go to bed with him,that was that!! I figure he is really amping it up now. I call it desperation…Not my worries tho…. Youre awesome Runner!!! Maybe cos we are all reading BR and know better now!

Sounds like if he was only going to get dinner and no shag, he opted out. You already are not stuck. Good call. What have you done for yourself lately? The better care I take of myself, the better care I take of myself. Okay I have to confess, I used one of the pics that the AC took of me in my profile and it was because 1 I look fetching, and 2 he was such an ass that I figured that the least I could do is get the photo he took of me and put it to good use….

So far we seem to be doing well, 2 months yesterday yeah:. I understand though why you would be angry; if I had come across one of the pics I took of him I would be angry too…one of those situations where what is good for the geese is not good for the gander.

Like — sick. Crummiest of crumbs and a punch in the stomach. Insult after injury. And he continues to text. I have reread your comment 10 times over…You are so right…its really been helping me everyday!! Another very important reality is, they are not worth the amount of pain we are immersing ourselves in — in their honor.

On average, a fallback will go back or try to go back, by whatever means possible, a few times. You will go backwards and forwards. On average, most people eventually exit the tunnel. Its really important to have a list of the things they did that were bad and disappointed you so that you have confronting evidence against any nostalgia or halos you want to put around them.

Hugs to you, Brenda. I know how you feel. It sets you back too much. I know how hard it is. The computer is so easy in a weak moment. The rest just takes time. Try to find little ways to make your life about a higher form of love than romantic love. Write a handwritten letter to someone you appreciate. It helps me so much to do something for someone else. I know it sounds cliche, but if we are trying to rebuild ourselves, what better a way to start than the feeling you get knowing you just made someone feel special.

You WILL get through this! Another thing that helps me is forgiving myself. Very healing. This meant I would go to bed hungry because after seeing how happy he seemed it made me feel sick. Thanks all you amazing ladies! I have just recieved Nats Book in the mail,One of the things I have learnt is how quickly I changed…Stressed at work,walking on egg shells,not feeling well…And I honestly thought I was doing this to myself!

Was I?? Am I to blame for this? Thanks to you all. Somedays I cant make heads or tails of how I am supposed to feel? I dont feel like I have done anything to be proud of Ladies. I still feel like I have no closure…Damn the tears are flowing again…Tissue anyone. Much love to you all.

PODCAST EP95: The Dating Relationships Due Diligence

If they disappeared, you may experience your imagination running wild in the blank space that creates. Failure to do this will permit them to press the reset button. This is normal.

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